Merry Christmas!!!!!

Merry Christmas Guys!!!!! Be blessed. Be safe. & Be fabulous!!!!!! xoxo!!!!!

Dear Stability,

You really suck! I have been looking around for you for all of my life. First as a child - you sure were not there. Then as an adolescent - nope not there either. Surely after the 4-5 or possibly even 6 year course in which you promised to be at the end of... I thought that you I would find. But no - you fooled me again! I must say that I beginning to believe that you are a myth and that you do not exist. Are jobs stable? - NO! Are men stable? - NO... well sometimes, but still NO! Is anything about this life stable? - I think not. Still I yearn for you to be a part of my life and keep chasing your silly behind while you just run away laughing and taunting me.

Well, I am through with you - you idiot fool! I have found someone else. He lives up above and I don't have to chase him because he never goes away. He gives me the peace that you falsely promise to offer but sure enough cannot deliver. He is the one who keeps me grounded. So, yeah. I don't need you anymore. I mean as of late - the whole concept of you really seems something more like a fairytale. But my friend in the sky.... he is real and does not tell me pretty little lies of what could be and then snatch it all away. So, I will be rolling with him all of the time now. I don't need to run after you any longer. I will be finding my firm foundation through him now. Besides, I think that I am starting to like just living for the day and not having to think so hard about tomorrow.

Thanks, (I guess)

Autumn

Technical Difficulties

Ok, so I have been trying to get my post to hand out my awards out and for some reason I keep getting shut out. I am sort of disappointed.... I could post it later when I have more time to mess around with it... but alot of you are Mon - Fri bloggers. So, I think that I am going to postpone it until Monday. Sorry guys. :o( However, I will post other stuff later.

Sometimes I Like To Take A Rest...

From all of the clutter clearing of my thoughts that I do here. Can I tell you a secret? Sometimes, all of this cluttering clearing leaves me feeling insecure about myself and if you knew me... you would know that I am insecure about very little. I guess that this blog allows me to pour out my feelings and that often times makes me feel a bit weak. However, I guess that one cannot run around being a stone figure, but really - it is not always so easy to just leave some of this stuff up here on this blog. My one hope is that this blog will be like a path for people who feel like they have lost hope or have given up on there dreams or lives. I feel like not many people always keep it REAL about how they really feel and I hate that. Don't beat me over the head for my tears or whatever emotions that I am feeling and you are barely holding on or hanging in there yourself. I am just saying. I am going to keep it real because I think people should know that it is not always okay, we are not all as put together as you think, and you are not a freak if you don't always feel so up to par in life, BUT you can and will make it out and life DOES get better!!! I feel that I needed that and so I want to give it to others through my blog and all of my other writing. So, that is what keeps me from deleting some of these post. Anyhow, back to the business...

I spent like and hour revamping my second blog The Undercover Diva last week. I have decided to get over there more often as it is a nice break from the clutter clearing of Autumn's mind, heart, and soul. It is just a blog that shows another side of me. So, if you ever see me not over here... feel free to go over there. You don't have to follow.... I know that we all follow so many blogs, but if you are ever looking for me... I am probably over there. There is a link on the side of the blog for you to access whenever you would like. Please let me know what you think of the UCD blog. I hope that you find it to be enjoyable!

Also, I am going to be hosting my first annual awards ceremony on Friday so be sure to get your evening attire for this event. We will be out on the red carpet so please - no jeans! Please note: that I do not know the specific rules for the awards that I have been given so I am going to wing it and make up my own (unless someone knows that rules and can help me) either way we will have lots of fun!!!! Uh, I think that's all... Have a lovely day peeps!

xoxo,

A.M.R.

My Thoughts On "Precious"

I had mixed feelings about venturing out to see the movie Precious. At first I was like "Wow, I will probably go and see that." Then I changed my mind. To me, I just felt as though the movie would cause me to have some sort of meltdown. I try to stay away from films that invoke too much emotion at times (i.e. My Sister's Keeper). I had heard that the film was waaaaay intense and I just was on the fence about it. Of course, my curiosity got the best of me and I decided that I wanted to go and see it and what do you know - they were not viewing it in the theaters in my town. I was so mad about that!!!! That is what happens when you live in Boon Dock Valley though. lol. Anyhow, I finally got to see the film this weekend. So, people were saying that it was waaaay intense and there was all of this buzz around it. I am thinking that I was going to be emotionally scared and all by watching it. To be honest, I did not really find it to be that intense. Now, don't get me wrong... her life was a mess. I mean, her mother and father should have been locked in a cage somewhere, but I guess that I just thought that I was going to be seeing this helpless victim and to me that is not what I saw.

If Precious was a real person - I think that we would be friends. I totally understood her. Like, I love how she escaped off into these little fantasy worlds. That is so me. I have always escaped off into some other little world when things got to be to much. That is how I coped with a lot of things. That is why I am "Girl In My Own World." Don't get me wrong, I function in the real world, but I got where Precious was going in her head. I also loved how she had some fight in her. I LOVED it!!! I probably would not have done all of the things that she did, but she was a fighter and that is how you must be in life in general. I loved how she kept looking for new ways to better herself and did not settle for what was staring her in the face. The end - I will not give away. Let's just say that some people were not feeling it or they did not think that the film had a positive ending. While I do hate how Precious got played out in the end, I will say that she handled it like a champion and did not let it stop her from moving on with life. To me, that made her a HERO!!! So, my thoughts... I LOVED the film! I did cry at one point... when she started to cry... it was like she was speaking from my own heart in a sense and I truly felt her pain. I will say, that this film is not for the faint at heart and I think that perhaps my reaction was not like other's because the film had been so built up that it was not as bad as I pictured in my mind. Plus, it sort if reminded me of Antwone Fisher minus all of the romance. Precious is not a true story... I have heard that it is like a bunch of stories wrapped up into one. However, the concept was great and the way that the film was made was genius to me. I found that film to be a very inspiring journey through the life a girl who lived in horrible horrible conditions and still came out a winner... and those, my dears, are Autumn's thoughts on Precious.

The Best ME!

The week is over and I am thinking.
Convictions high from the way I'm living. Nothing too bad, but nothing too great either.
I am thankful for that my convictions ride so high.
I see it as a gift from God. It lets me know that I am still close and have not fallen away.
Wishing to be PERFECT that will never be.
This earth will not allow this one deep plea.
Nevertheless everyday is a chance to do it all over.
Life is a process and some things broken take time to fix.
None the less I will churn through the wheels of the process in the highest of high hope to someday become the BEST me that this earth will allow me to be.